


But Then I Remember You

by drhorrible (angelaofthelord)



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti), IT - Stephen King
Genre: 2006, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Bottom Richie, During the 27 Years (IT), Eddie Kaspbrak Lives, Eddie is literally the man of Richie’s dreams, Everybody Lives, Gay Eddie Kaspbrak, Gay Richie Tozier, M/M, The Kissing Bridge (IT), Top Eddie, magic dreams
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-19
Updated: 2020-01-19
Packaged: 2021-02-27 10:15:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22325416
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angelaofthelord/pseuds/drhorrible
Summary: Richie Tozier dreamt a lot.----Richie had been dreaming of a man for as long as he could remember. At an airport bar in 2006 he runs into the man of his dreams. Literally.
Relationships: Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 23
Kudos: 306





	But Then I Remember You

**Author's Note:**

> this is loosely inspired by the frank turner song [the way I tend to be](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Cf5O2M5GaEA), at a recent gig he told us about how the song was about how he was in an airport in sydney and he was in a bad time and got drunk and called an ex. I can't actually remember how exactly it turned into this idea but that's where it started!

_Some days I wake up dazed, my dear, and don't know where I am, I've been running now so long I'm scared, I've forgotten how to stand_

Richie Tozier dreamt a lot.

He knew he had more nightmares than the average guy, even considering all of his issues, but he could rarely remember the details. It was always dark, damp, and oppressive, and constantly _terrifying._ Richie would wake up clutching his chest and drenched in sweat, and more often than not found himself hunched over the toilet throwing up the last few weeks microwave meals.

Nightmares were something he could deal with – plenty of people had nightmares. They were almost normal. No, the dreams that bothered him the most were always along a similar theme. There was a man. Well, there was a boy. A boy and a man. They were the same person, Richie knew, although it was only instinct and those doe eyes that told him this. The man never spoke. There was often a pinched, unhappy look on his face or sometimes he would have a more soft and thoughtful expression. Richie would walk towards him, calling out, trying to reach him. Eventually he would run and scream and shout. He could never reach him no matter how far and fast he ran. Richie kept trying though. Every single time he had the dream Richie would run until he collapsed, pushed on by some need for this man.

Really, as metaphors about his repressed homosexuality went it was about as subtle as an acme anvil.

Richie had been having this dream for as long as he could remember. The man was neat, he was well put together, and god he was _pretty._ Richie wasn’t sure whether his taste in men was caused by the dream, or if his taste in men had shaped the dream. It was a sexy, gay chicken and the egg situation. Either way he’d always had a thing for dark haired and dark eyed men who were small and compact. This guy though, he was everything Richie wanted and more. The man looked strong, but Richie knew he was also brave and kind. Even when his big eyes turned sad Richie knew he could sense the steel within him. And so _cute._ His skin was smooth and cared for, and there was a smattering of freckles across his face. Richie had once or twice thought about how many more would appear in the LA sun.

The man had been growing up with him – although once in a while he returned to a tiny pre-teen. That usually coincided with when Richie had had a particularly bad week, or he’d spoken to his parents. He didn’t know what to make of that. As with all aspects of his life, he assumed a psychologist would have a field day but it wasn’t something he wanted to examine too closely. Richie was 30 now and his career was just taking off, plus enough of Hollywood was closeted and discrete enough so that he could get laid on a regular basis. Richie was _fine,_ he was _thriving._ He didn’t need to psychoanalyse his dreams! Who cares if he felt disgusted with himself every time he slipped out of his latest hook-up’s room? What did it matter that he was finally achieving his dream but none of the material was his own? It was _fine._

This was what Richie told himself as he sipped his third mojito of the evening at the bar in Sydney Airport.

_And I stand alone in airport bars and gather thoughts to think that if all I had was one long road it could drive a man to drink_

For some unknown reason he’d actually managed to get himself booked onto a small comedy festival in Sydney. Well his agent had. Every night for two weeks he’d had a mid-sized crowd at his half an hour slot and his jokes had gone down pretty well. It turned out dudebros were dudebros even down under. Luckily the locals hadn’t taken offence to Richie’s attempts at an Aussie accent. The weather had been amazing and the heat wasn’t the sticky, stifling humidity of LA. His agent had even said that if this went well they were shoo-in for a taped special for Comedy Central or something.

It was a brilliant trip, good move for his career, and he should be happy. But here he was, drinking steadily and feeling maudlin about his fucked up dreams and emotional issues. Richie felt like the poster boy for a midlife crisis and he’d barely even cracked his thirties for god’s sakes.

As he drank he tried to focus on the positives but there was an unsettled feeling in his chest, it was heavy and it was making him feel panicky. He had no idea what was causing it. It was like there was something he was forgetting, or something he was supposed to do. After all his touring Richie was actually a very organised and practised traveller so he knew it was nothing about the flight (even though he wasn’t looking forward to 14 hours trapped on a plane). The feeling was making his mind drift back to the dreams though. Richie often had the panicked feeling after them. Although more often than not the dreams were accompanied by either an intense need to jack off or cry. Sometimes at the same time.

Whatever the cause was Richie was hoping he could drown the feeling with this mojito. The bar he was sitting actually made a decent cocktail, which was unexpected for an airport. He was very nearly finished with his current glass when he saw someone in his periphery sit a couple of stools away from him. This wasn’t unusual – airport bar after all – but there was something that made Richie pause. He turned his head just slightly (so he didn’t look like a _complete_ weirdo) and studied the man’s profile. Soft pink lips were slightly pouted as he studied the drinks list, analysing it as though it contained the secrets of the universe. He had long, dark eyelashes that just brushed his pale cheekbones. He was pretty as a picture and Richie was aching for a better look. The man gestured to something on the menu when the bartender came over and he soon had a vodka and tonic gripped in his long fingers.

Richie thought about tapping his foot against the other man’s or asking if he was a friend of Dorothy like this was a tragic world war two movie, but the decision was taken out of his hands when the man suddenly turned towards him.

_And then I catch myself catching your scent on someone else in a crowded space and it takes me somewhere I cannot quite place_

“What the fuck are you staring at? Do I have something on my face or are you just being a creep?”

Suddenly the dregs of his drink were flying out of his nose as he coughed and spluttered, choking on the drink in his shock.

The man was _the man._ The man from the dreams.

Richie had found the man of his dreams (literally!) in an airport bar. And he had spat his drink all down himself. This was tragic even by Richie’s standards.

“Hey are you deaf? You are really starting to freak me out.” The man began shouting but his voice trailed off as his face turned concerned.

“Are you choking? Do you need me to perform the Heimlich manoeuvre? I know that there is a debate about whether or not it’s actually effective or if it causes more harm but I took a course about it and I am _not_ giving you CPR. Do you know how many germs there are in the human mouth?”

Richie had switched from choking to laughing by this point. The whole situation was ridiculous. He couldn’t believe what was happening. This guy was the most beautiful man he’d ever seen and he was ranting about the most effective way to stop someone choking. He was still going!

“What do you need – hey, are you laughing? What the hell? What is happening?” he yelled. Oh, he was back to angry again!

“I’m sorry I’m sorry. You just surprised me and I choked on my drink, and then your rant – your very heroic rant I might add – was very cute I just –” Richie tried to explain but found himself unable to speak.

_“Cute! Cute! Cute!”_

Again that feeling. It was like someone sitting on his chest or squeezing his heart. And there was something he needed to know; it was so close but always out of reach.

He shook his head and tried again.

“Sorry, I really am sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. Like I said you just shocked me, and I’m really bad at talking to people, or just generally being a person and you, y-you just. Look real familiar.” He finished lamely. God, _now_ he sounded like a creep.

The man didn’t look angry anymore which was something at least. Instead a thoughtful look came across his face, and it was one Richie had seen before. He looked at Richie and was searching his face, for what, Richie didn’t know.

“You look familiar as well.” The man admitted.

As he said this the weight on Richie’s chest eased slightly, and he felt like he could take his first proper breathe since seeing this man’s face.

“Okay great so I’m not going crazy! Do you live in LA?”

“No, New York. Where did you go to school?”

“UCLA. I’m guessing you were at NYU?” At the man’s nod Richie continued.

“Just from looking at you I’m guessing you’re not a fan of gross stand-up comedy and bad celebrity impressions?”

“Well, no. But what do you mean ‘looking at you’?”

“I mean… you’re wearing a suit in the airport, you’re clean shaven, and you’re not 22 and wearing cargo shorts. You’re obviously not my demographic.”

The man snorted at that, and graced Richie with a small half smile.

“You don’t think highly of your own demographic do you?” he asked wryly, turning his face down to look at his glass.

“That’s one way of putting it.” Richie hedged, whilst taking advantage of the man’s averted gaze to sneak another look at his profile. Not wanting to dwell on the calibre of his audience, Richie continued his questioning.

“Anyway mystery man, where did you grow up? I’m a Maine man myself.”

The man’s head shot up.

“So am I! Whereabouts? I grew up in this shitty little town, Derry, not too far outside of Bangor but I doubt you’ve-“

“Fucking shit man! I’m from Derry as well!” Richie replied, a grin spreading across of his face. He was feeling lighter and lighter as the conversation went on. He felt giddy. Drunk even, although that was probably the mojitos.

“No way. How old are you? Were we at school together? God I haven’t even introduced myself. I’m Edward Kaspbrak. Well, Eddie. Eddie Kaspbrak.” The man was rambling again but he stuck his hand out towards Richie as he moved onto the stool right next to him.

_Cute,_ he thought, _he’s so fucking cute._

Wait a minute… Eddie Kaspbrak.

_But then I remember you and the way you shine like truth in all you do_

“Eddie… Eddie… Eddie _Spaghetti_!” Richie yelled, throwing his hands up as he started to remember.

He remembered him and Eddie at 8, and at 13, and at 17. He remembered them riding their bikes across town. Richie remembered the bullies, and sickening words, and always _always_ running. He also remembered comic books, the arcade, and sneaking into Eddie’s window after his mom had fallen asleep.

Eddie was looking at him strangely, and he looked confused and frustrated.

“Eds you look like you’re trying to take a shit. It’s me. Richie. Richie Tozier … Trashmouth.”

At his words Eddie’s face underwent a slow transformation. His frown deepened at Richie’s nicknames and crass words but then he softened. Under his heavy brow his eyes started to soften and he suddenly seemed twenty years younger. A small secret smile appeared and his anger melted away until it was the face of his best friend looking up at him.

No not his best friend, his best friend has been… someone else at least. Eddie was something more. Something life changing. Looking back now Richie knew Eddie had been his first love. He couldn’t understand how he had forgotten him. Eddie had been _everything._ It made sense now why he dreamt about him, but didn’t explain how he knew exactly what Eddie would look like as he grew up. Chalk it up to repressed gay imagination, he guessed. All those years studying Eddie’s face had to be worth something, right?

“I remember. Damn. No offence man but I haven’t thought about you since I moved away for college. I can’t believe I forgot you.”

Richie just laughed it off.

“That’s just growing up I guess. I mean who remembers their childhood?”

Eddie nodded in agreement.

“Let’s get another drink. We need to celebrate. What is that you’re drinking? A cocktail?”

“Fuck that bro. This calls for shots and champagne!”

Richie called the bartender over and asked for the best bottle of champagne and two tequila slammers. The speaker sounded overhead calling a flight to New Zealand, which suddenly brought Richie back into their present location.

“Eddie when is your flight? And what the hell are you doing here of all places?” Richie asked, internally praying and hoping that he was heading back to America at the very least.

“Conference. I won’t bore you – I don’t need to give you any more ammunition. But I’ve got a couple of hours. I’m going back to New York eventually but there aren’t any direct flights from here.”

“Same here. Couple of hours I mean. Not the boring conference. Where are you changing?”

_Please say LA please say LA please say LA._

“LA.” Eddie replied, grinning as he did.

“Eddie its fate! I bet we’re on the same flight, let me see your ticket. This is amazing.”

Richie quickly examined their tickets and just as he suspected it was the same flight, he grinned. Although… they were on opposite ends of the plane. That wouldn’t do.

“Hang on a minute, I just gotta take a dump then we’re going to pick this up. Don’t forget me while I’m gone!”

Eddie just rolled his eyes but waved Richie off.

As soon as he was around the corner he ran to the nearest customer service desk.

* * *

They spent the remaining time until their flight catching up. It was all superficial of course, Richie really didn’t want to try and lie to Eddie about his amazing famous life and he suspected Eddie was similarly trying to keep things light. Still, it was one of the best couple of hours he could remember in years though. Richie felt like he had the first time he stood on a stage and got a laugh.

As they talked they inched closer until their knees were pressed together. The drinks had been long abandoned but Richie felt drunk. He _burned._

He was shocked then, when their flight was finally announced. Both of them pushed back quickly as the spell was spoken. They were back in the real world with a long haul flight ahead of them.

“Guess we better head over then.” Eddie said quietly.

“Lead the way my good sir.”

Eddie just glared at him. They were silent all the way to the gate, although they didn’t stray far from each other even as they handed over their tickets to the woman at the desk.

“Oh Mr Kaspbrak, it seems you’ve been upgraded! You’re now going to be flying business class. Congratulations.”

Eddie looked suspicious and glanced up at Richie but he didn’t say anything to him.

“I don’t have to pay anything extra?”

“Nope, it’s all taken care of. It says in the notes this is a random upgrade. We must have been at capacity in coach.”

“Well, thank you.” Eddie replied, reluctantly taking his new ticket. He looked at the seat number and eyed Richie.

“What’s your seat number?”

“Um, 12a I think.”

“What a surprise. My new seat is 12b.” Eddie replied flatly. Busted.

“Aw c’mon Eds. I can’t lose you again now that I’ve only just found you.”

“It’s a flight! We’re going to the same country!”

“I can afford it Eddie, it’s no big deal. Seriously. I just want to hang out with you.”

At his sincerity Eddie softened but it looked like he still was trying to maintain a frown.

“Whatever. You’re paying for the drinks,” he muttered.

“It would be my gen-u-ine pleasure my good sir.” He drawled in his best Southern prospector Voice.

“Oh god, still with the Voices.”

“Don’t knock it bro. These voices are paying for your upgrade.”

Eddie just snorted and walked towards the plane, not bothering to dignify Richie with a response.

* * *

The flight passed fairly quickly. Neither of them was up for any more catching up, so they spent most of the time quietly watching films and pinching each other when they started to doze. There seemed to be an unspoken understanding between them that neither wanted to miss a second of this.

They watched all of the superhero movies they could find. Eddie was more partial to the Spiderman films, and if Richie was being honest so did he. Tobey Maguire looked more a little bit like Eddie.

Usually on flights like this Richie popped a sleeping pill and knocked back a few whiskies, trying to pass out. This time however Richie was doing his best to stay awake, if only so he could just keep looking at Eddie. There was a small irrational part of his brain that was worried if he closed his eyes and went to sleep Eddie wouldn’t be there when he woke up. He wondered if Eddie would stay in his dreams now that he had found him again. Richie wasn’t sure which outcome he wanted. He was still thinking about it when he eventually drifted off to sleep, not noticing that Eddie was also nearing sleep and his head was resting on Richie’s shoulder.

* * *

_“Richie you promise you’ll never stop being my friend? Right?” Eddie asked. He was about 17. Still just as cute, but he was beginning to look gangly and stretched out._

_“Of course I’ll always be your friend Eds. You’re my number one. After everything we’ve been through something as small as college isn’t going to stop us. It can’t.” He replied. Richie tried to sound sure of himself but he felt panicked and unsteady. Eddie looked just as he felt._

_“But the others-“_

_“Screw the others Eds! I don’t know why they haven’t kept in touch, it doesn’t make sense, but they’re not_ us.”

_“Us?”_

_Richie felt like he was going to throw up but he couldn’t elaborate. Not now. Not when there was no way Eddie could come with him to California._

_“Yeah. Us.” He said softly._

_Eddie looked determined._

_“Then swear it.”_

* * *

Richie jerked awake, the images of his dream rapidly fading before he could sort through what they meant. He felt loose and his limbs heavy, like he’d been in a deep sleep. Richie stretched out his legs, thankful again for the extra legroom, and pressed deeper into his seat. Blearily he turned his head to look at his next seat neighbour and almost jumped out of his skin.

Eddie’s head was on his shoulder and he was drooling. His soft brown hair was beginning to come out of its gel prison and a few strands were splayed out across his forehead. Richie could almost pretend it was the thirteen-year-old Eddie next to him. Richie’s chest ached at the sight. So. Goddamned. Pretty. This was the best damp shoulder he’d ever had.

It wasn’t clear how long they’d been asleep but Richie felt groggy enough that he guessed it had been at least a couple of hours. Which meant they weren’t far away from landing. They weren’t far away from Eddie leaving him again. They’d get off the plane and they’d separate. Eddie would head back to New York, and Richie to his empty life, and they’d probably never see each other again. This whole meeting had felt like one of his weird dreams but Richie wasn’t prepared to let it go just when he felt like he could breathe again. There must be something he could do. Richie couldn’t let it end like this. The dreams had to have been for something, a sign or whatever.

Before he could think on it any further the seat belt sign came on and Eddie began to stir.

“Hey, Eds. We’re landing soon. Wakey wakey I want my shoulder back.” Richie said this softly, but poked at Eddie’s cheek as he did.

Eddie looked bleary eyed and confused as he woke up, then slightly panicked as he realised he had been sleeping on Richie.

“Rich I’m sorry I – ”

“No worries man, it happens. We were both tired. No homo though, right?” he tried to laugh it off. His laugh trailed off as he saw a strange look pass over Eddie’s face.

“Anyway, we’re going to land soon,” Richie said quickly, trying to change the subject. “Are you ready for your connection?”

Eddie nodded but didn’t say anything. He turned and looked out the window.

Richie didn’t focus on it too much as he was swept up in the whole landing/disembarking mess which was always his least favourite part of flying. Maybe one day he’d be rich enough to have a private plane.

Throughout the whole process of getting his bags from the carousel Eddie was by his side, silent and sullen but always there.

“How long till your next flight Eds?”

“Don’t call me that,” Eddie responded sourly.

“Well don’t avoid my question.”

His friend just glared at him, which in turn made Richie grin even wider.

“It’s in an hour or two I think.”

That didn’t sound like Eddie _at all._

“Are you okay?” Richie asked softly. Sincerity didn’t come naturally to him but he was really trying to make sure he actually sounded as concerned and invested as he felt.

“Fuck!” Eddie shouted, startling the families near them. He had the grace to look abashed for a second but soon let out a loud groan.

“Richie this isn’t fair. I-I can’t find you again like this in _Australia_ of all places and leave you just as quickly. I don’t want to.”

“Then don’t.” Richie replied simply.

“It’s not that simple,” Eddie said. “I have … responsibilities back in New York. I can’t drop everything.”

“Look, you said yourself it’s crazy that we found each other like this. We can be a bit crazy too. Just for a couple of days. You can miss two days of work surely? I will even pay for your flight.”

Richie knew that he was about two steps away from begging but he felt desperate. He didn’t care anymore how he sounded. Just knowing that Eddie didn’t want to leave either filled him with some kind of reckless energy.

“It’s still not that simple.”

“What do you have a dog or something? Whatever it is you can figure it out for two days. I promise. Just trust me.”

Eddie looked at Richie with wide, pleading eyes. There was something that he was trying to tell Richie without actually saying the words. Richie didn’t want to push him when he was obviously struggling so he just stared back until Eddie sighed and gave into the silent battle they’d bee having.

“I’m engaged. I have a fiancée and s-she worries. About me. She worries about me a lot and it would be cruel to drop off the map for two days.” Eddie spat.

It was like when you dreamt you were falling off a cliff and you suddenly jerked awake. Your whole body spasms and you felt as though your stomach was about to shoot out of your mouth. Finding out Eddie was engaged was a little like that. He didn’t know what he was expecting, it wasn’t like he thought that Eddie would magically come out to Richie and they’d both realise they were soul mates and fate had brought them together through the power of mystical dreams but … actually that was exactly what he had been hoping for.

It was like a gut punch. Eddie was not only straight, but he was 100% unavailable. Richie was nothing if not a performer though and he switched on his best stage smile.

“Bro why didn’t you lead with that? I can’t believe that wasn’t one of the first things you told me.”

“Like I said. It’s complicated. But it’s still something I can’t drop.”

There was a lot more hanging in Eddie’s words than what he had said, but Richie didn’t want to push too hard right now. Not while this thing was so tentative.

“Can’t you just say your office wants you to stay in Australia a couple more days? Or there’s something in LA you need to do?” Richie asked.

Eddie looked at him for a long moment. His eyes were big and wide and searching. Richie felt as though he was going to throw up. Again. Why was this so hard? Why did every single thing he or they did feel so weighted and heavy.

“Okay. I’ll make it work. Give me ten minutes to call Myra and then we can leave.” Eddie said firmly. He wasn’t smiling, but he did look lighter.

“Oh and Richie? You are paying for my flight, food, and alcohol. I will fucking need it.”

* * *

Not two hours later they found themselves sprawled out on Richie’s couch with boxes of Chinese take out in front of them. It was big and the kind that you could really lean back and lose yourself in but the pair sat in the middle with only a couple of inches between them. They were currently watching an incoherent animated children’s film that Richie had done some voice work on. It was the kind of film you only really watched as an adult if you had kids or if you were high. Eddie and Richie were neither, but Eddie had wanted to watch something with Richie in it and there weren’t really a lot of good options. Richie suspected Eddie only picked this one so he could make fun of Richie.

“Okay, so what the fuck kind of job is risk analysis?” Richie asked as he took a long drink from his glass.

“It’s exactly what it fucking sounds like you absolute idiot. I analysis risks. I mean it’s more complicated than that, and I specialise in risk analysis for Wall Street finance companies and –”

Richie interrupted Eddie with a loud, fake snore. He pretended to fall asleep and lolled his head against the back of the soda. It was a stupid joke, but Eddie seemed to bring out the stupid in him.

“Oh real original asshole. We’re supposed to be reconnecting and being supportive and shit.” Eddie yelled at him. He picked up the pillow from behind him and smacked it against Richie’s arm.

“I am! I just can’t help it if your job is so boring it overpowers my supportiveness.”

Eddie rolled his eyes. “We can’t all have a glamorous showbiz lives. I’m sorry mine is boring and not perfect like yours.”

Richie knew that Eddie was joking but there was a definite edge of bitterness in his voice. Nothing about his life should inspire jealously. He was pathetic and making people laugh helped hide that. The two of them had bought some whisky to go with their food and they were gradually empting the bottle. Richie was suddenly glad for this choice. Such good planning. What a clever a man he was. He continued to congratulate himself as he drained his glass.

“If you must know my life is _not_ that glamorous, unless you call getting drunk in dive bars whilst people heckled me glamorous.”

“Yeah but that’s not happening right now is it? You were just in Sydney for a comedy festival! That’s the real shit.” Eddie insisted. He looked embarrassed at his earnestness and blushed. “Even if I cannot understand why people find you funny.” He added quickly.

This was just enough of an Eddie response to make Richie laugh.

“Oh well joke’s on you people do find me funny. It’s the reason you’re here ain’t it? I’m like you’re sugar daddy now.”

Eddie didn’t dignify Richie with a response; he just turned his gaze to the glasses in front of them. He must have decided that they needed another drink as Eddie pulled the whiskey bottle out again and poured a generous helping. Eddie was also a clever man. The whiskey was _such_ a good idea.

As they continued to drink and eat and watch shitty animated films they steadily got drunker, until Eddie’s legs were on Richie’s lap and they both were sprawling out over the couch. Luckily the cloud of alcohol meant that he wasn’t freaking out about it, and instead just relished the warmth on his lap and the feel of the soft hair under his fingers.

“Do you remember anyone else from Derry?” Richie asked, looking at the TV screen through the bottom of his glass. Richie didn’t. All he could remember was Eddie.

“Just you, and my Mom.” Eddie replied, the last word coming out slightly sharply.

“Oh yeah. I remember your mom as well. Specifically when she took my virginity. What a magical moment.”

Richie was rewarded with a pillow to the face, which of course made him laugh even harder.

“You’re so fucking annoying. Can’t believe I didn’t remember how annoying you were until now.”

“Well whose fault is that? I thought annoyance like this was unforgettable.”

“You didn’t remember me either so you can’t talk.”

“I dreamt of you though.” Richie murmured, mainly to himself. It was obviously not quiet enough as Eddie whispered a small “Oh.”

“Huh?” Riche said, snapping his head round to look at Eddie. His face was flushed, which could’ve been the alcohol, if not from the way his chest was moving up and down more rapidly that it had been before.

“Did you say you dreamed of … me?” Eddie’s voice was tentative and unsure as he questioned Richie. Quickly he tried to think of a way out of this, some sort of joke or excuse, but for once in his life no witty remark came to mind.

“I – uh – well. Yeah. Sorta. I mean it’s hard to explain and I _know_ it sounds mad, but I did. Ever since I left Derry.” Richie attempted to explain, but it was very difficult when he didn’t even understand the whole thing himself.

“Me too.” Eddie said. “I mean. I dreamt of you too. I think.”

Richie was for once in his life speechless _,_ which of course meant that he allowed space for Eddie to continue rambling.

“Well I mean I think it was you. It’s weird, I can’t remember forgetting you but I’ve had these dreams as long as I can remember but I never understood it until I met you again and I just _knew_ it was you. Like I’m talking _years._ You always were the same age as me but before I left for this trip I dreamt of you when we were kids. When we were 13. I felt so sick and so scared and I don’t know why. I mean it was a good thing right? That we bumped into each other?” Eddie finished his rambling by asking Richie questions that he didn’t know the answer to.

“I – I don’t know Eds. Sometimes I would dream of you and throw up. It always felt like you were good though, good for me I mean. And of course you are. You are – _were_ – my b-best friend.” Richie admitted, and felt like a child again for his trouble.

“I think, as sad as it is to admit it, you’re still my best friend. Or as close to it as a thirty year old dude can get.” He continued. “I know I must sound like such a … such a loser.”

Eddie swung his legs off of Richie and moved so he was sitting next to him. Up close Richie noticed how he was still slightly flushed and his freckles stood out. There was a soft smile gracing his face.

“Well, I don’t think that’s such a bad thing. We can be losers together. I don’t have any real friends either I guess. The guys I work with are dicks. I hated my roommate in college. I forgot you.”

“What about your fiancé?” Richie asked, although he didn’t really want the answer.

“She… she is a nice person. She worries and she likes to take care of me.” Eddie said carefully, obviously trying to paint a good picture for Richie but didn’t know how.

“Oh wow what a stunning declaration of your love. Eds are you sure you don’t work for Hallmark?”

“Har har har Richie. You’re _hilarious._ ” Eddie rolled his eyes and slumped back into the sofa.

“I do love her. I mean, she’s always there for me and she doesn’t get annoyed by all my weirdness and my illnesses.”

“Weirdness? _My_ Eddie Spaghetti? What’s weird about you?” Richie tried to reach for Eddie’s cheek but his hand was slapped away.

“Just stuff. Anyway what about you? Don’t you have a lucky lady? Or is it any port in a storm for a hot shot comedian?” Eddie asked. He was obviously deflected but Richie didn’t want to push. He knew enough about deflecting himself. Speaking of…

“Well not since I forgot your Mother. Do you have her number? I really think we should reconnect now I remember her again.”

“Get some new fucking material Richie, how the fuck do you get paid to be funny?”

“What can I say Eds? You make me want to relive the classics.” Richie said, reaching for the bottle to take a swig.

“Richie! That’s gross. I don’t want your mouth germs. Stop it.” Eddie shouted, trying to pull the bottle of whiskey from Richie’s death grip.

“No, no, no Eddie I need it!”

“You’ve had enough!”

Richie managed to gain control of the bottle and took another long swallow from the bottle. Eddie just looked exasperated with him, but resigned. After all these years Richie couldn’t believe how easy it was to fall into the old relationship they had had. It was like they’d never been apart. The years in between had been the dream and now finally he was living again.

It was then that Richie realised that he was happy. For the first time in fucking _years_ he was happy. He was happy because he was here with Eddie. His first – his only – love.

Why had he tortured himself for years? Why had he despised every part of himself? Why had he done it when happiness was as simple as hanging out with another man eating Chinese food and watching movies?

“I don’t have a girlfriend though Eds. Haven’t ever actually, well except-” Eddie elbowed him in the side. “Ow! God. Okay, sorry. Sorry. Stop hurting me I’m trying to be honest with you.”

“First time for everything I guess.”

“Are you going to let me finish or are you going to continue beating me up? I’m trying to tell you I’m gay, so if you keep hitting me that’s actually a hate crime.” Richie spat it all out in a rush. Not really the way he’d planned it but hey, he was an improviser.

Eddie was silent and Richie daren’t look at him. His heart was hammering in his chest and he felt nauseous. Maybe alcohol and Chinese food on top of admitting his repressed sexuality wasn’t a good idea for someone with a nervous stomach.

Then he heard the best noise in the world. Eddie laughed.

“That was actually funny Rich. Thanks for telling me, but it’s not a hate crime if I’m punching you for being annoying.”

“You know I’m being serious right? I’m sorry if it was a shit coming out but I’ve never done it before.” Richie replied softly. He looked at Eddie now. Eddie was looking directly back.

“No one? Not even – not even a boyfriend?”

Richie laughed sharply. “Nah, no boyfriend either. I’ve been way too fucking closeted for that. I’ve slept with people but somehow you don’t need to say “I’m gay by the way” when you’re blowing a guy.”

Eddie’s face twisted, but he didn’t look disgusted, which was a good sign at least.

“I know it’s embarrassing. I’m embarrassing-”

“I’ve only had sex with my fiancé twice.” Eddie interrupted. “How’s that for embarrassing?”

“What?” Richie replied stupidly.

“I never wanted to. I thought it might be the germs, I mean I never wanted anyone close to me or to touch me like that and Myra doesn’t push me for it. B-but I’m starting to think that that wasn’t reason.” Eddie admitted quietly. He wasn’t looking at Richie anymore, instead examining his hands. They were clasped tightly together and due to their closeness Richie could see the slight tremor.

_Be brave be brave be brave_

Richie lifted his hand and gently touched Eddie’s chin with the tip of two of his fingers; he could feel the shuddering of his breath on his hand. As gently as he could Richie pulled Eddie’s face towards him so they were once again looking at each other. Eddie’s eyes were dark and pleading and he looked both thirteen and thirty at the same time. His hand moved slowly along Eddie’s jaw (god his skin was smooth) until he was fully cupping his face. It made his heart ache the way his hand covered half of Eddie’s face; he looked so small and fragile and he was looking at Richie with so much trust.

When Richie finally leant in and kissed Eddie it felt like he was dreaming again. Time moved slower and his limbs felt heavy like he was moving through honey. It’s all muscle memory though, this kissing business, so Richie can switch off his brain and relax into it once he feels Eddie kiss back. One of Eddie’s hands came up to grasp the hand on his face and the other thread into Richie’s hair. He was glad he showered before the airport; he didn’t want this moment to be ruined by greasy hair.

The kiss started out slow and tentative. Richie doesn’t do this that often and there’s years of pressure attached, he’s also pretty sure Eddie hasn’t kissed a man before at all. They both began to loosen up though and things start to slowly heat up. He tried to pull Eddie closer to him by gripping his waist with his free hand and Eddie responded by deepening the kiss, running his tongue against Richie’s lips. Really he _was_ trying to be suave, but Richie let out a small needy moan when their tongues brushed. This was real. Eddie was real.

Richie broke the kiss, reluctantly, and looked at Eddie. His lips were even redder than before and the flush had reached his ears.

“I’m in love with you. You know that right? I love you.” Richie asked, hoping his voice didn’t betray how nervous he felt. He was like 90% sure Eddie was cool with it.

“I know.” Eddie smirked.

“Ah I see. You get one good kiss and now you’re Han Solo.” Richie laughed. He was making another joke, but he did feel lighter.

“You love it though. You _love_ me Richie. And Han Solo.” He was laughing as well, and leant forward to kiss Richie gently, chastely. “I love you too. Just so you know.”

“Are you – are you sure?” Richie asked. He knew it was a stupid question but he was feeling stupid and he needed to air some of his insecurities at least.

“Richie. I think I’ve loved you since we you were eight years old and you lent me your comics even though no one sat with me at lunch. I can’t remember much from Derry but I can remember you. I remember being with you and loving you before I even knew what it was I was feeling.” Eddie touched his fingers to Richie’s lips. “Don’t be such a fucking dumbass. I don’t kiss just anyone.”

Richie grinned and licked the fingers that were still touching his lips. “You’re such a sap Eddie Spaghetti.”

“Haha fuck you. You started it.” Eddie replied, pulling his hand backs and looking slightly disgusted. “So, uh, do you want to move off the couch?”

“What?”

“I mean do you want have sex?” Eddie stated. “Don’t be such a teenager Richie you’re thirty.” He added when he saw Richie’s slack jawed expression.

“What stupid question. How am I going to say no to that cute face?” Richie laughed and pressed a soft kiss to Eddie’s clean-shaven cheek. Before he lost his nerve Richie stood up from his seat and dragged Eddie up with him. When their chests collided they shared another long and deep kiss, Richie’s hands coming up cradle Eddie’s face.

“Let me show you where the magic happens.” Richie said, as they pulled apart, turning away from Eddie in order to drag him up to the bedroom.

He felt giddy like a teenager with the way they were both laughing and pulling at each other; even Eddie who had been so tentative with him at first was feeling him up at every opportunity. As they crossed the threshold into Richie’s bedroom Eddie ran his hands up Richie’s thighs and leaned up to whisper in his ear.

“Get your pants off Mr Tozier I’ve got plans for you.”

Richie almost tripped over in his haste to comply. “Sir yes sir!”

They grinned at each other as they took off their pants, both of them rushing to get free of their trappings as quickly as possible. Richie pulled off his shirt as well and paused, looking down at his feet.

“Thoughts on socks?”

“Terrible, take them off. Why don’t you have matching socks? You’re an adult.” Eddie frowned, looking slightly annoyed.

“I am an adult! I make my own decisions.” Richie said as he pulled off his socks. “Only an adult would buy these thundercat boxers.”

Richie gestured to his crotch but immediately regretted it, as it was obvious that he was already at half-mast. Eddie was blushing slightly but he didn’t look scared. He took a second to take in the scene before him. They were facing each other with a couple of feet of space between them and both were wearing a lot less than before. Whilst Richie was wearing his lucky thundercat boxers, Eddie’s were simple dark blue. Suddenly he had a memory of the pair of them standing on the edge of a cliff in only their tighty whiteys when they were kids. They weren’t alone though, they were with… other friends, but Richie couldn’t picture their faces. He was probably too fixated on Eddie to notice them.

This was much better though.

Eddie closed the distance between them and tentatively ran his hand up Richie’s chest. He wasn’t fit in the slightest but he thought he had at least a bit of definition, even if it was covered in chest hair. Eddie on the other hand was _ripped_ and smooth as a peach. Richie couldn’t see his chest yet but his arms and legs were gorgeous. It would’ve been easy to get lost in his insecurities but Richie was just overwhelmed by the need to run his tongue along the hard planes of Eddie’s thighs.

“Eddie -”

“If you ask me if I’m sure one more time, I’m going to kill you.” Eddie interrupted, whilst pausing his ministrations to grip the side of Richie’s neck.

Richie grinned. “I was just going to ask if you wanted to move onto the bed.”

“You’re so funny Richie.” Eddie said sarcastically, but there was a soft smile on his face. They kissed softly for another moment and Richie relished every moment, he was still somewhat in shock but every passing second felt more and more real. They were learning each other physically but really there was no one Richie knew better.

Eddie walked them backwards until they were almost at the bed. Richie felt himself getting harder as they touched each other and his anticipation grew. He was slightly nervous about how they were going to play out this but he didn’t need to worry, Eddie was taking care of things. As Eddie pushed softly against his chest Richie’s knees buckled easily and he sank to the bed. Almost as soon as he was sat down Eddie had his legs slung over Richie’s lap and was pressing their chests together. Other parts … pressed together as well.

“Oh my God. Eddie Kaspbrak is sitting on my lap and he has a boner.” Richie blurted out.

“You’re a fucking idiot. Why do I find you attractive?” he replied. Eddie cemented his point by grinding down harder into Richie’s lap and deepening the kiss. Richie gasped into his mouth. Of course Richie had had sex with men before and it was always _good,_ really good in fact – and way better than when he’d still been trying to sleep with women – but this was on another level. They _fit_ and it was like some kind of puzzle piece he’d been missing was finally clicking into place. He had never even known that the picture wasn’t complete yet. This was completeness though, having Eddie in his arms and pressed tightly against him.

They continued to make out like teenagers for a few moments more, and the movements became more insistent. Richie could feel his heart hammering in his chest.

Eddie lifted himself up slightly, and pushed against Richie’s shoulders. “Lie down.” He murmured.

Richie went willingly, any reply lost in his throat. They rearranged themselves only somewhat awkwardly, Richie pushing himself backwards up towards the head of the bed and laying down as Eddie repositioned himself on Richie’s lap. Eddie looked flustered but determined. Slowly Eddie began unbuttoning the wrinkled shirt he was wearing, his slim fingers working quickly. Any thoughts Richie had of make fun of Eddie’s strip tease died when he saw the skin that was revealed. Clear and stark against his pale skin were two stars on his chest with the words ‘no dice’.

“Am I hallucinating?” Richie said. He was shocked beyond words. Eddie. Eddie Kaspbrak has tattoos. Tacky prison tattoos. Tattoos that looked like he got them whilst high in Las Vegas.

Whilst Richie’s entire understanding of the world had been tipped on its axis Eddie just looked confused.

“T-tattoos. You have. Tattoos.” He managed to get out. Eddie looked mildly embarrassed, but that was it.

“Big deal. A lot of people have tattoos.”

“Yeah but not _you_ Eddie, you used to be worried you’d get AIDs from a hangnail!” Richie laughed. He ran his fingers gently over Eddie’s chest, revelling in the way Eddie’s breath hitched. “You look like a rent boy fresh out of prison. I literally cannot believe this.”

“Fuck off Richie. Yes I went a little bit crazy when I first got to college and I was away from my mother for the first time but a lot of tattoo parlours are more hygienic than most restaurants. There’s actually a really rigorous cleaning practice –“

“But Eddie. You have titty stars. My little risk analyst with tacky twink tatts.” Richie interrupted. “This is the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Really?” he asked, slowly rolling his hips to grind on Richie’s half hard cock. “My tattoos are the best thing that’s ever happened to you?”

Richie’s jaw dropped. Maybe the plane had crashed over the ocean and they’d died on impact and they were both in heaven now. That would be the only explanation for what was happening right now.

“How are you so hot Eds? How?”

“Low carb diet and running five times a week.” He replied smugly.

“You’re such a smartass.” Richie murmured. “C’mon, come down and kiss me.”

Eddie obliged without anymore smart comments, he just smiled softly as he leant down and kissed Richie. It was easy to get distracted by the sensation of kissing but Richie tried to focus on the cataloguing the feeling of Eddie’s body pressed against him. He definitely wasn’t lying about running, the thighs braced either side of him were strong and firm and his _chest._ Richie felt doughy and gross but Eddie seemed to be in to it from the way he was kissing him.

Speaking of, Eddie was deepening the kiss and had both of his hands gripped Richie’s hair but he didn’t know what to do with his own hands. They were sitting uselessly either side of him. Cautiously he placed his hands on Eddie’s thighs and he was immediately grateful for whatever blessing had led him to being in this position. Eddie’s legs were just as strong as they felt and the skin even softer than his imagination. He was running his hands up and down the smooth skin (did he _shave_?) and Eddie hummed his approval into the kiss.

Eddie pulled back and placed one last hard kiss to Richie’s swollen lips before he began attacking Richie’s neck. He could feel teeth and lips and tongue and scruff and it was driving him insane. Instinctively he brought his hands up to grab at the meat of Eddie’s ass and push their crotches closer together.

Both men moaned at almost the same instant, an echo of pleasure ringing out in into the bedroom, which only encouraged Richie’s groping. They continued in their motions for a few minutes, getting lost in the feeling and building up a rhythm. Richie was beginning to breathe heavier and his thoughts were becoming muddled.

“Hey hey Rich stop. I want. I want to fuck you. I’m gonna come in my pants if we keep on like this.” Eddie said as he straightened up. Richie tried to sit up to follow him but it was struggle, he didn’t have the stomach muscles for that.

“You want – you wanna?” Richie tried to ask. “You want to top?”

“If that’s okay. I mean I don’t think you subscribe to stereotypes just cause you’re taller but if you want to top t-that’s fine too. I just –”

“I really fucking want you to top Eds. Please.” Richie was grinning now. “This is perfect for me. Less work, more orgasms.”

Eddie scoffed. “Getting ahead of yourself, I haven’t decided about any orgasms yet.”

“Now, now. You wouldn’t be so cruel for our first time would you?” Richie asked nicely, trying some version of puppy dog eyes.

“Be good and I’ll see.” Eddie smirked. That did something to Richie and made his insides turn all liquidy. He tried to keep quiet but a small whimper escaped. At the look on Eddie’s face Richie knew that Eddie understood what was going on in his head, he didn’t need to be a mind reader to get that. Instead of thinking _too_ hard about that whole _thing_ Richie busied himself with finding the lube and condoms, nearly toppling Eddie in his haste. Instead of complaining Eddie went with the motion and climbed off of Richie’s lap, scrambling to reach one of the pillows.

When Richie turned back to look at Eddie he was standing next to the bed with his fingers on the hem of his boxers, which were sporting a considerable tent. Richie’s mouth watered. He still couldn’t get over just how toned Eddie was. It was _unfair_ for a thirty-year-old man to be this fit.

“Get your dick out prison twink and come here and fuck me or I’ll call up your mother.”

Eddie laughed as they both pulled their boxers down at the same time. Absurdly, Richie thought it was like a quick draw in a spaghetti western. 3, 2, 1, draw! But with dicks!

Both of them were hard now and Richie was beginning to feel desperate. Luckily Eddie seemed to be in the same boat; before he could make anymore smart remarks Eddie was back on the bed and in between Richie’s legs. He felt gangly and uncoordinated but Eddie was focused and knew what he wanted, rearranging Richie how he saw fit and shoving the pillow under his hips.

“I’ve not done this to a-another guy before Rich, you’re going to have to talk me through it.” Eddie admitted. His confidence was still there but a bit more tentative and angry, like he was daring Richie to make fun of him.

“Another? Eddie have you been fingering yourself?” Richie asked, a grin spreading across his face. Eddie’s face darkened.

“Sometimes. On business trips, when I was alone.”

“Kinky.” Richie teased, but added more seriously, “just do what you do for yourself, but like, flipped.”

“Helpful. Thanks.”

Richie didn’t reply, just grinned wider and pulled Eddie down for a kiss, which he hoped was reassuring.

Eddie fumbled for the lube whilst they kissed gently, multitasking poorly but still just about managing. They had to separate so Eddie could pour some lube on his fingers, and Richie felt his stomach start to churn. He was so nervous all of a sudden, spread out like this, open, naked and vulnerable. This was not the time for nerves though, or at least he couldn’t let the nerves get the best of him.

It wasn’t until he felt Eddie prodding gently at his entrance that Richie realised that he had, of course, been letting his nerves get the best of him. He yelped. Eddie yelped in response.

“It’s fine I promise – “

“Oh god are you okay?” They spoke loudly and rapidly over one another.

“Sorry, sorry you made me jump. Please continue. I can’t fucking wait for this.” Richie pleaded, a desperate note creeping into his voice.

Eddie nodded and pressed onwards, literally. The first finger always felt strange and Richie was immediately eager for more, he told Eddie as much.

“Already impatient.” Eddie murmured. “Needy.”

Richie nodded his agreement, focusing on the feeling of the two fingers now scissoring in an out. For a novice Eddie was quickly picking up an effective technique, he was lightning focused. Almost too focused.

“Eds. Eds.” Richie muttered as he pulled at Eddie’s hair. “C’mon up here. Stop watching your hand. There’s not going to be a written exam afterwards.”

Eddie snorted and he immediately seemed lighter. Slowly he kissed his way up Richie’s chest. With Eddie more fully leaning over Richie he could easily reach down and take Eddie’s hard cock in his hand. There was soft gasp from where Eddie’s face was buried in crook of Richie’s neck. They touched each slowly and tentatively but were steadily gaining speed as the pleasure began to grow.

“Ready for another?” Eddie asked quietly, between breaths. Richie just nodded, his eyes fluttered shut as he adjusted to the burn and the sweet feeling of fullness.

“Fuck Eddie.” Richie panted. “N-not bad for a first timer.”

Eddie grinned, only looking _slightly_ smug. “Imagine how good I’ll be with practise.”

“Oh god you’re killing me. I need you to fuck me. Please.” Richie begged. He was ready, and even if he wasn’t he couldn’t wait any longer.

“Okay. Yeah. I can do that.”

Richie laughed between groans. “Gee thanks Eds. Thanks for obliging.”

Instead of dignifying him with a response Eddie pulled out his fingers and made Richie’s eyes roll back in the process. Richie propped himself up on his elbows so he could watch the man between his legs; Eddie’s hand were shaking ever so slightly as he rolled on the condom and he was focused intensely on the task.

“Hey,” Richie said softly, “breathe. It’s just me. It’s only us.”

Eddie scoffed. “Only us. Don’t say that like I haven’t been in love with you for more than half my life.”

It made Richie’s heart flutter how casually Eddie just said things like that. He was so overwhelmingly and amazingly brave; Richie couldn’t believe he was here, in his bed, about to make love to him. Because that’s what it was – he couldn’t deny it anymore.

“I don’t think I’ve ever not been in love with you Eddie. You’ve been everything to me since that comic book swap.” Richie admitted. He could feel his eyes beginning to sting. Eddie just kissed him. They didn’t need to say anything further.

Eddie returned to his intense concentration and slowly began to push into Richie. It was a dull ache but not unpleasant, he hadn’t bottomed in years and he’d forgotten how satisfying a feeling it was.

As soon as Eddie was fully seated he pressed their foreheads together and waited for Richie to adjust; they were both breathing heavily even though they had barely started.

“Move. Please.” Richie panted. “I need to feel you.”

Eddie nodded and began to move his hips. He seemed to be hesitant but Richie needed him to use those runner’s thighs to good use.

“C’mon Eds. I’m not gonna break.” Richie mumbled. He felt drunk.

“It’s so tight. I-I can’t believe how good you feel. So good Richie.” Eddie babbled as he started to increase his pace. With every thrust Eddie seemed to be gaining confidence and soon his movements were smooth and powerful. Richie felt every stroke in his _bones_.

“Oh god Eds. Fuck. Fuck.” He was babbling now but he didn’t care. Richie was gripping the sheets so tightly he was worried about tearing it.

“Yeah? It’s good?” Eddie asked. His grin growing as his confidence did. As Richie began to feel overwhelmed he screwed his eyes shut and hid his face under his arm. Eddie wasn’t having that though, he pulled Richie’s arm away from his eyes and pushed it back onto the pillow. “I want to see you Rich. Please.”

Richie couldn’t respond but just nodded. He felt bare and split open but Eddie was right there, breaking apart alongside him.

Without warning Richie, Eddie suddenly gripped one of Richie’s thighs and hitched it up on to his thigh. This was about the limit of Richie’s flexibility but the angle instantly changed and deepened.

“Holy _fuck._ Yes Eddie. There. Please.” Richie babbled and begged.

Eddie nodded and his hips sped up. There was sweat dripping from his brow and his skin was glistening. He looked like a tiny Greek god. His very own pocket sized deity. God he was losing his mind.

His orgasm was approaching quickly; it was like a decade’s worth sexual frustration was finally reaching it’s crest and it was so close. Richie reached down between them and gripped his cock. It was instantaneous relief.

“I’m close Eds. So close.”

“Me too. Fuck. Me too.”

Eddie kissed Richie again. He bit down on Richie’s bottom lip and licked into Richie’s mouth in a slow and filthy motion. They kissed desperately like it was the only thing giving them air. Richie was still jerking himself off with one hand, but the other was fisted in Eddie’s hair.

They clutched at each other. Anchoring each other.

They broke apart, but only just slightly, their lips were just grazing and their breath mingling.

“Eds. Eds. Touch me, please.” Richie begged. “I’m so-”

Richie didn’t even get to finish his words before Eddie’s hand joined his own on his dick. It only took a few strokes before he was coming.

“Eddie. Fuck. Fuck, I love you.” He cried. “I love you so much.”

“Me too. Always. Love you always.” Eddie babbled. He buried his face against Richie’s neck.

It didn’t take Eddie long to follow Richie over the edge, he was gripping Richie’s skin so hard he could tell it was going to leave bruises. He was looking forward to it.

Richie petted his hair as they came down from their shared high, both of them lying tangled together in silence.

“You should stay.” Richie said, when he couldn’t hold it back any longer. Eddie’s reply was a low sound of confusion.

“I mean stay here. With me. In LA. Or I can come to New York. I don’t care where we go or where we live I just want you to stay with me.” Richie finished. It had all come out in a rush but he hoped Eddie understood what he wanted and how important this was. He was _sick_ of being scared and alone and pathetic. The person who loved Eddie with his whole heart was the kind of person he wanted to be all the time. Someone who was _proud._

Eddie didn’t reply immediately and Richie started to panic. Then Eddie moved and pulled himself out Richie with as much grace as he could muster under the circumstances.

“Ask me again without my dick in you.” Eddie said quietly.

“Eddie. Please will you break up with your fiancé and move in with me? Or let me move in with you?” Richie asked. He was nervous but way Eddie smiled at him made feel hopeful.

“Yes I will. On one condition.” Eddie’s voice was stern but his eyes were crinkled with the smile spreading across his face.

“What?” Richie was grinning now as well.

“You never call me a fucking prison twink again.”

“That’s a deal.” He kissed Eddie softly. “How about Las Vegas rent boy?”

* * *

10 years later when Mike called, Eddie was waiting in the wings of a sold out show where his husband was performing. The fear overwhelmed him and he felt like he was going to faint, but Richie was there to catch him. Richie was always there to catch him.

On their most romantic nights they would both say that they had found each other for a reason. Something had brought them back together, some force. Whether it was soul mates or just fate, Richie was bound to him and they were always meant to be together. When Mike called he began to remember the rest of their story. He remembered the day on the kissing bridge right before he left Derry. He remembered his second blood oath, the one that just he and Richie took. They swore that they would always find each other and that they would always be there for one another. Eddie remembered this when he saw Richie trapped in the deadlights. He remembered the years of dreaming and waiting and wanting and he looked at Pennywise and suddenly he wasn’t afraid anymore.

Eddie threw the fence post and Richie fell.

This time Eddie was there to catch him and pull Richie out of harm's way. Just like they had been together for the last ten years.

Eddie and Richie were together and they were not afraid anymore. None of them were.

All seven losers were united and unafraid and ready to bully a fucking clown into the dirt.

**Author's Note:**

> stan is alive !! not sure how but he is !!
> 
> pls follow me on [twitter](https://twitter.com/drh0rrible) and [tumblr](https://betanoiz.tumblr.com)


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